6 Things People Don’t Understand About Living On Lamma Island

As part of a new series, All That Junk highlights Hong Kong’s upcoming neighborhoods. We continue our exploration on one of Hong Kong’s many outlying Islands, one of great character and umm infamy…


By Steve Karlsberg

1) We Know How Awful We Sound When We Talk About Lamma

If you don’t live on Lamma Island, and you make the mistake of asking someone who does where they live, you’ll probably be forced to listen to at least five minutes of conversation about how lovely Lamma is, how it’s so nice to have a place away from the noise and pollution of the city, and yet only be a 25 minute boat ride away from Central, about how we’re all constantly BBQing and paddleboarding and having late night sing-songs around a campfire down on the beach. I get it. It’s incredibly obnoxious to have to listen to, and it makes Lamma Island sound like some shitty hippie commune blissfully unaware of the fact that it’s just another part of one of the most brutally capitalist cities ever built. But we can’t help ourselves. I hate hippies just as much as the next contributing member of society, but if you’ve found a nice place to live, it’s hard to talk about it without sounding like a dick.

2) Lamma People Are Often Really Fucking Grumpy

Despite often claiming to live in paradise, there’s nothing Lammafolk enjoy more than a good grumble. This might be because there’s quite a few British people here, and British people love to complain, or it might be because there’s actually shitloads to complain about. Whether it’s illegal waste dumping, constant construction work, the pointlessness of the new bike park or the timeless classic “I’m shocked and appalled that this island isn’t exactly the same as it was when I first moved here”, we Lamma folk sure know how to moan. That last complaint is definitely the most frequently aired; there’s a Facebook group for Lamma residents that can be particularly bitchy, but that’s mostly because it’s filled with old people who don’t know how to behave on the internet (I’m mostly referring to one notorious racist old fossil). But despite how grumpy things can get online, it’s a very bad idea to make enemies on Lamma. Not because Lamma Island is run by gangs of shady triads (although many people have told me that it is), but because you kinda have to get along with people you see all the time. This enforces a level of vague politeness that keeps things under control.

3) We Don’t All Know Each Other, Except We Sorta Do

The way relationships work on Lamma is mildly odd. There’s obviously a higher proportion of gweilos and expats than in other parts of Hong Kong, so outside of your friendship groups you get to know a lot of people by face, just because you see them around the village or on the ferry. Maybe you assign a nickname to them. There are at least three people on Lamma who are generally referred to as “the guy who looks like the dude from Breaking Bad”. The fat white kid who’s always screaming at his helper? “Dudley Dursely”. So after a while, you begin to think that you can recognise most people on the island by face, and then you meet someone you’ve never met before, and it turns out they’ve lived here three times as long as you have. Or you take a ferry at a different time to usual and you don’t recognise anyone. The only person EVERYONE knows is Nick the Bookman (the guy with the big white beard who sells books on Lamma Main Street. Having a 45 minute long chat with Nick about the secret societies that really run the world is a crucial part of your initiation once you move to Lamma Island.

4) The Power Station Is Our Friend And Protector

The most obviously non-utopian thing about Lamma Island is the power-station. How could it not be? It’s an enormous, three chimneyed, coal-burning monstrosity carefully positioned so it can be seen from almost every nice beach on the island. It’s utterly dystopian, impossible to avoid looking at, and without it we’d be doomed. Why? Because the power-station is what makes Lamma the way it is. It was built back in 1982, and if you want to imagine what Lamma would be without it, have a look at Ap Lei Chau. That’s where the facility that provided power to all of Hong Kong Island used to be, before they moved it to Lamma. And now Ap Lei Chau is covered in so many identical blocks of flats that it’s literally the second most densely populated island on earth. If Lamma didn’t have the giant industrial turd of the power-station fucking up our feng-shui, we’d look like Ap Lei Chau. Or worse, we’d be Discovery Bay, and that is a fate worse than death. The power-station keeps our rent down, keeps the beach right next to it open for dogs, bonfires and ceremonial effigy-burnings, and that’s the way we like it.

5) Sometimes, Lamma Is Trying To Kill You

Ok, so this one might not be a surprise to you, but we share our island with quite a lot of hostile creatures that would quite like us to fuck off, and I’m not just talking about the fat old drunks that shout abuse at people coming off the ferry. I’m talking about nature. We’ve got poisonous snakes, giant spiders, feral pigs, and centipedes so big they could bite your thumbs off. And in addition to that, there’s the dogs. After the previously mentioned conspiracy theories chat with Nick the Bookman, getting chased by wild dogs is the next most important experience to have when you first move here. Seriously, wander too far away from some of the main footpaths, and there’s a decent chance you’ll find yourself being followed by a large group of dogs, anxious to defend their turf. Lamma is easily the best place to live in Hong Kong if you’re a dog owner, but unfortunately it’s also the best place to live in Hong Kong if you’re a really shitty dog owner, and Lamma has plenty of those. If you do find yourself being menaced by a mean-looking mutt, usually shouting at it in an aggressive tone of voice will work, unless it’s that really scary dog that lives down near Luk Chau. If you see that mangy, dreadlocked beast coming at you, run as fast as you fucking can.

6) It’s An Actual Neighbourhood

One of the best things about Lamma Island is that for all it’s problems, it genuinely feels like a bit of a community. When you need some new furniture or want to get rid of something, you usually try to buy or sell to someone else on Lamma. Need help moving a washing machine up to your rooftop? Go ask Nick, he’ll lend a hand for a small fee. Someone’s dog/phone/child goes missing? Check the Facebook group, it’ll probably turn up. If you were lucky enough to grow up in a place that had a proper sense of community, none of this sounds impressive, but so much modern living is designed so everyone can move around in their own little bubble that it’s churlish not to appreciate the nice things when you find them. We got beaches, we got mountains, and everyone has to have a 25 minute sit down before they get here. Lamma is certainly it’s own bubble, but most of the time it’s one I’m very proud to call home. Which brings us right back to point number 1.

7) BONUS TIP

If you really want to annoy someone who lives on Lamma Island, just refer to it as a suburb.

 

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Never-Ending Happy Hour: Hong Kong Pub Crawl

by Sandeep Sharma

So you’re new to Hong Kong – maybe you’re visiting for the weekend, maybe it’s a short holiday or maybe you’ve moved here for a typical white-collar job. On Google and by word of mouth from your Hong Kong long-timer friends you hear of Lan Kwai Fong. The name itself is quite a mouthful for a new expat yuppie, so you decide to venture out there with a friend of a friend to see what the nightlife is like. You’re drinking the 7-11 “Buy Two for $30” Apple ciders and being denied entry into Volar, Dragon I and basically any actual club. The streets are great but let’s face it, it’s full of either broke University kids or minors trying to Snapchat. That’s where Pub Crawl comes in – a guided tour through select bars and pubs in Hong Kong’s very own. With free shots at each of the selected seven bars of the night and discounted beers – it really serves as a vehicle for a newbie to venture out into Hong Kong and befriend expats and locals alike.

The night usually begins with some pre-gaming at the IFC rooftop followed by rounds through seven relatively decent quality pubs where there’s a free shot for every “Pub Crawler” and discounted drinks. The crowd of fresh blooded people -new to Hong Kong and still allowing the insane adrenaline of the city to sink into their skin – would remind anybody of their first few months in Hong Kong, where the parties ended at 8 am and more often than not, the mornings were spruced with a “walk of shame” and a wonderfully chirpy hangover. The relatively low price for joining ($100 HKD) unfortunately means that occasionally the crowd at the Pub Crawl may not be the best mannered or behaved lot.

The inherit problem with the pub-crawl is that it is truly something that suits the needs of visitors or the “once in a year” party animal – but not to those who are used to the debauchery which Hong Kong boasts of. While for a newbie it maybe nice to “get down” to some hip-hop at a bar with other “FOBs”, for those of us who know about the hyped clubs, ice bars and bunkers – it maybe a waste of money. The pubs selected are relatively obscure with the night ending with an entry to a decent dance club. This setting is ideal for the aforementioned people and truly it serves as a great way to introduce newbies into the decadence and moral dilemmas that Hong Kong so often puts us in. If the Pub Crawl actually went ahead and diversified itself to cater to the needs of the pseudo-party lovers then perhaps by expanding their base, they could cater to the varied needs of Hong Kong’s party animals.

After trying out the Pub Crawl, you might want to meet HK’s other party animals. Us! We’re partying for All That Junk‘s 1st Anniversary Party. Come join us 🙂

MTR Nightmares

MTR Nightmares

 

By Lauren Codling

Editor’s Note: Recently, I watched a viral video where there’s a super annoying passenger on a train in China who’s eating seeds and spewing those seeds all over the floor. Other passengers complain. They plead. Everyone wants this guy to stop ruining their 20 minutes of commuting and playing Candy Crush. BUT then this other guy swoops in. This guy dressed in a homemade superhero costume takes out a hammer and beats annoying passenger bloody. Now I don’t condone violence but haven’t we all been wanting to be a little Kickass sometime on the MTR? In Hong Kong, the MTR is blazing reliable and swift. It is clean and conveniently located. Yet, there are those times when there’s that someone who watches their videos out loud because they haven’t heard that headphones have been invented or someone who literally bumps you out of the way to get the last open seat. Oh yes and then there’s Admiralty… I’ll let our writer, Lauren Codling, discuss more MTR nightmares with you.

Everyone who has ridden upon the Hong Kong MTR should surely know some of these stressful and sometimes downright painful moments that every commuter has come across on their daily journey:

  • Have you ever felt pressured to do something you knew was stupid and pointless, but you did it anyway just because everyone else was doing it too? No? Well, I dare you to change trains at Admiralty and not have an insane desire to run like a crazy person across to the adjacent train that will take you cross to Kowloon. That takes real willpower.
  • Believe me, you’ve never known stress until you are past your high score on Temple Run and the MTR pulls into your station. “SHIT, I’M IN MONG KOK. DO I PAUSE IT? DO I RISK LOSING MY GREATEST TRIUMPH IN LIFE? … Ah, fuck it. I’ll get off at Prince Edward instead.”
  • There is nothing more frustrating than being late, running full force at the ticket barrier…to slam straight into it BECAUSE YOUR CREDIT ON YOUR OCTOPUS CARD HAS RAN OUT. And then knowing the guilty reasoning behind the lack of money; you used the card to buy various delicious snacks at 7/11. Heavy sigh.
  • As helpful as they are, sometimes your specific point of interest is NOT on the exit signs located around each MTR station. And looks can be deceiving; exit A and B don’t sound like they’re too far apart, but trying to get from one to the other on the street after discovering you’ve taken the wrong exit is like trying to lead the blind with a deaf and dumb guide dog; it takes a really, REALLY, long time.

But throughout it all, the MTR remains loyal and regular. So for this, THE PEOPLE OF HONG KONG SALUTE YOU! Just please stop telling me to not look at my phone on the escalator. It really does distract me from playing Temple Run.

 

All That Junk’s 1st Anniversary Party

All That Junk’s 1st Anniversary Party

On May 12th, All That Junk celebrated its 1st birthday! We have been in the business of making Hong Kong a bit better for a year whole year now and we’re expanding to have events on land as you can see from the awesome birthday party we had at Social Room where the bands, Other Theories and ShumKing Mansion – which is probably the hottest band in HK right now – rocked the roof off the club! GHC, one of HK’s music secrets, manned the DJ booth to get the right vibe for the night and our lucky draw showcased great prizes from Sandbucket Apparel, Taboocha, Evolve HK and Klook such as free Airport Express tickets and a designer watch! If you missed the party, no worries…We will be partying again sometime soon. Just look at these photos from our birthday party, doesn’t it look like we’re just getting started???

All that Junk - Birthday Hong Kong Party

Other Theories

All that Junk - Birthday Hong Kong Party

All that Junk - Birthday Hong Kong Party

All that Junk - Birthday Hong Kong Party

All that Junk - Birthday Hong Kong Party

All that Junk - Birthday Hong Kong Party

The Crowd

All that Junk - Birthday Hong Kong Party

All that Junk - Birthday Hong Kong Party

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All that Junk - Birthday Hong Kong Party

All that Junk - Birthday Hong Kong Party

 

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ShumKing Mansion

 

All that Junk - Birthday Hong Kong Party

All that Junk - Birthday Hong Kong Party

All that Junk - Birthday Hong Kong Party

All that Junk - Birthday Hong Kong Party

All that Junk - Birthday Hong Kong Party

GHC

All that Junk - Birthday Hong Kong Party

 

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