What We Learn From Our Dating Experiences

What we learn from dating in Hong Kong

By Jamie Elizabeth Ho

As much as we’ve all been there and resented the feeling of being hung high and dry, the
beauty of dating is learning Life’s lessons from the Heart, because yes, the Heart does drop
knowledge too:

(a) How to deal with rejection
It may sound sappy as tree sap to you all, (and no doubt it really is) but there is someone
special for everyone. If the person is not into you and doesn’t want to be in a serious
relationship, that is their choice. Perhaps, they feel that someone else would be a better fit for
you, just as someone else would be a better fit for them. As personal as it is to go on dates
with someone and get to know them, whether they choose to continue wanting to get to know
you via talking, texting, meeting up for dinner dates, movie dates etc., or not, that shouldn’t be
taken personally.

But Why?
Easier said than done. Believe me, I know. Let’s take out the emotional drama and simplify this
to a more functional practical approach, take a step back and look at it like a job application.
Sometimes, we go for an interview and find out perhaps this is not the right fit for us. At the
end of it all, our potential employers wouldn’t take it personally, and neither would we. Bottom
line, it’s just simply because you were being True to yourself, what felt right for you and the
others involved.

If someone doesn’t feel the same way, have no fear, that just means there is room for a better
match to come along and fill that gap. If their heart is not in it, why would we want to invest
our time in an empty relationship?

(b) How to deal with the fact that we can’t control anyone but ourselves
We can control the way we act, what we think, how we feel, as well as how we respond and react to
some extent, but when it comes to other people that is beyond our control. Yes, it’s scary, but such is
the risk of love which is to love without any expectation. Every time, I find myself in a frustrated love
rut, I ask myself , ” Would I still give my time, love and effort to this person, EVEN IF this person
doesn’t love me back?”

If the answer is yes, then great.This means you operate from giving love without any
expectation. You don’t expect the person to fall deeply madly in love with you, because you
just want to honor the person by showing your admiration through feelings of love.

( c ) How to open our hearts up with courage at the risk of getting our hearts broken
This lesson is extremely difficult to learn, because us humans HATE being vulnerable. Despite
this, a good reminder is to bring us back to our center, our core truth which is that we can always choose.
Is it better to have loved then not to have loved at all? Love takes big risks, sometimes you fall sometimes
you don’t, but what’s important is that you know that the right person will show up
when the time comes. We learn what having faith means.

(d) How to love ourselves
Probably, the hardest lesson for most, when we experience situations such as these where the
person we are in love with, disappears or stops talking to us, we learn that it is in these
moments, we have no choice but to bring it back to loving ourselves.

So for those of you, who are beating up yourself for wasting time with the people you have
dated in the past, it’s not all that bad. At least, what you’ve extracted is valuable experience
for your personal growth, so when the time comes for The One to show up, you will be The One
for them.

Two Important Tips on Personal Growth

Two Important Tips on Personal Growth

 

By Jamie Elizabeth Ho

We all have things we are working on. We all have ideas about where we are supposed to be at a certain age, but sometimes when we see the gap between where we are ‘supposed’ to be and where we are now. We’ll beat ourselves up about it, and we’ll feel frustrated that we aren’t there. We’ll get stuck and in the end throw in the towel because the how of the personal growth isn’t clear to us.

What can help you out in these situations are two things:

1. Bring awareness to what you are trying to change.

For example: Due to the increase in workload at the company you work for, you’re beginning to have a hard time managing stress. You want to keep everything balanced, but you’re falling apart trying to juggle relaxation and work life. You just had your first hiccup; snapping at your colleague who was just trying to crack a joke as a stress-reliever and now you’re seen as an difficult person to work with, who can’t chill out. Instead of beating yourself up for slipping, choose to bring an awareness of the incident to light by saying, “Okay, this is me just not being able to deal with  stress properly.” The moment you recognize that it’s simply about finding a way to deal with the stress be it through taking yoga classes, meditation or even kick boxing, suddenly it opens up a choice, “Do I want to stick with being completely stressed out and overworked, or do I want to switch the channel to be stress-free and still able to meet all your work deadlines instead?” With awareness comes choice. You just have to recognize and catch yourself when what you are trying to change is being played out, and from there make a choice on what you want to do about it. In Hong Kong, there are many stress causing elements in the workplace, on the street, or even telemarketers calling on the phone, but you can also find  many options to help you deal with the stress like as I mentioned exercise so perhaps try out GauvaPass or a hike to a waterfall.

2. Practice!

Even when you’re not at the place where you can manage your stress with ease that’s okay! Practice stepping into a stress-free life even if it feels uncomfortable and foreign to you at first; all things new are bound to be.

All it takes is for you to lean into it. You don’t need to dive straight into it; signing up for yoga classes four times a week when you haven’t built the endurance to sustain one class yet. Doing so would just add to your stress. Instead, start slow, see what works for you and what doesn’t. Do more of what works for you! If doing yoga doesn’t help manage your stress, how about kick boxing? Lean into what you know ultimately feels right for you, even if it doesn’t feel right to others. Take your time with what you are trying to change, Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither were you.

So key here is to practice until you get comfortable with the new you.

It takes a while to snug into a pair of good shoes, jeans, everything! All it takes is a start, and you’ll get there soon enough.

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